yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
