I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
