he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
