four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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