office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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