I skipped work to stalk him.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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