Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
