I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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