good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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