in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
