i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
