It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize