if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
