he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
