I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
