It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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