garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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