I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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