I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
