We're like a lot better than the average bears
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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