Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
