hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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