They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
