just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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