I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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