sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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