Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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