i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
