I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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