you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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