We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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