Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Im part way to drunk.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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