Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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