I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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