I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
