oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
