It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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