I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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