I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
