Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
