i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
