I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
