I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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