I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
