i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
