I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Found your dick twin last night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize