Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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