How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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