Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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