there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
