we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
