Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
