we have pet lesbian snakes
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
