As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
