You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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