You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
