Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
