Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
