I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
