nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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