your room smells of hookers.
And success
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
