ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
