I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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