I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
