awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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