cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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