Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
