Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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