Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
