dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
