I will die if light touches me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
